For a long time, I got by
Really well.
Being Mr Goofy
Entertaining you all.
But when my human
Wanted this thing
Called a Relationship.
How do I relation-ship?
I could cover up my
Feelings as Mr Goofy.
My fizzles and pops could
Be let out to get attention.
Working, concentrating
Learning – All I had to do,
Was add Mr Goofy.
At right time.
And.
Relation-ship?
Getting on with the herd meant r-e-l-a-t-i-n-g.
Getting on with my human meant r-e-l-a-t-i-n-g.
I felt a bind grow inside.
To relate I needed to
Say goodbye to Mr Goofy.
And hello to Mr Feely.
And my bind grew.
As did my concern.
As my human sat with my NO.
Mr Goofy couldn’t help us.
I wasn’t ready for Mr Feely.
Inside my body – it was running.
Away.
My human wanted me to r-e-l-a-x.
I was lost, caught in that bind.
And that bind grew, some more.
The more she saw me.
The more NO ‘s came.
A flood of NO’s that Mr Goofy could never understand.
Most times my human
Allows me time to organise
My moments.
I have many.
My human notices my Yes’s.
And, I grow.
We build up what I can do.
And, I grow.
I try out Mr Feely
From that Yes place.
And … It’s ok to BE Mr Feely sometimes.
A little. Until it’s too noisy inside.
Most times my human waits
For my cycle, to come down.
Then she tries again
So, Mr Feely is within reach.
OK, … so it’s Appeasement.
All that dance, song, entertainment.
Mr Goofy was Mr Appeasement.
My covers. My ways to manage.
What did Mr Feely find?
Now that Mr Goofy is fading?
How hard it is to be with my stuff.
Really hard.
Being rushed, hurried, hastened.
You taking more of me, than I want.
Ignoring my need, for you to WAIT.
It blocks my Mr Feely.
My human supports my senses
Taste, touch, smell, feel, sound
To help Mr Feely feel safer.
It’s taken a good while,
To link my senses to feeling safer.
We’re getting there
Mr Feely is getting there.
But it upsets my human sometimes
When she can’t help me find peace with Mr Feely.
But, I’d like her to keep being there.
For me and Mr Feely.