I get stuck.
Self-focus is where it’s most sticky.
A tunnel forms.
The return path has gone.
So much of me gets stuck in self-focus.
When they train my body – it’s all about my self-focus.
Human attention on me, and reinforcing my inner world –
it’s all about my self-focus.
I don’t really like being stuck on the inside.
Self-focus is hard.
Very hard.
Focussing on the environment and my herd,
Helps me when I’m going along ok.
Until
BIG sensations arrive on the inside.
Sights and sounds that surprise me.
Then I get stuck.
On them.
The herd.
My Mr Feely is
O-V-E-R-L-O-A-D-E-D
On them.
On me.
My human tries to support my de-activation, so
Mr Feely has time to fizzle out, to
Reconnect my parts.
But I get…
Hyper-stuck.
I annoy horses around me when I get stuck.
I chase.
Bite.
Kick.
Create dis-harmony she says.
They all want to leave me.
Even my human some days.
Mr Feely gets stuck in herd focus,
And can’t switch back to anything else.
When Mr Feely arrives on the inside, the other
Thing I do…
Is self-focus through touch.
It’s my tongue.
I can push into things with my teeth, lips and tongue.
Sometimes I don’t know what to do –
So, I lick humans.
And things.
I make up games to distract myself,
From Mr Feely.
It’s either getting BIG on the inside and I get stuck
Or,
It’s distracting myself on the humans, and things.
It helps me manage my stuff.
That load inside that’s hard to shift.
But,
That human of mine found something to help
My stuff.
It’s my smell. My nose. My nostrils.
We do this thing called scentwork.
Me and my human are nice and close doing this.
But I don’t want to lip or lick her.
My special halter and long lead arrive
And I still turn myself inside out.
Busting to get into that halter
And get scenting.
No self-focus here.
Mr Feely – he can feel all he likes when I scent.
There’s work to do.
I have to find THE scent.
So many distractions.
So many smells.
Which do I follow?
I learnt that it’s her stinky shoe smell
That I need to follow.
I go here, go there, circle back.
Sometimes I lose THE scent.
And we don’t find our goodie bag.
But,
Most times I can
Lift up my nose to catch an air scent.
A whiff, or two.
Then dive back into snuffling and following.
Seeking and finding.
Exploring and doing.
I have to huff and puff my nostrils and breath, and
Lift my back
(the thing she’s always banging on about..!)
I AM ALIVE.
I find my goodie bag
Hidden away.
My human opens it and we …
Laugh and laugh.
Our smiles spill over.
I’m SO in horse-love with my scenting.
My confidence has grown and grown.
Following tracks out bush.
Walking side-by-side,
Then she hops on my back and LETS GO of my nose.
I scent as I walk.
I lift my back up even more to carry my human.
When I need to check something
With my smell.
She lets me.
When I need to settle myself
With my smell.
She lets me.
When I need to know more information
With my smell.
She lets me.
My horse body comes back together.
My mind is clear.
Scent is my fluid
That Unsticks me.
And, after scenting.
I can snooze, graze and move with my herd.
My sensory system is Unstuck.
And Mr Feely is back home.